Well, this is awkward…
Let’s talk about awkward moments, today. How do we handle them? What do we do? What do we say? Are there certain guidelines that should be followed or is every situation unique and should be handled thusly?
I, personally, have been a part of countless awkward moments and have even been the cause of several. I would think that the most common one is being present while a couple is in the midst of an argument. Now, I prefer to pretend to be distracted by something and walk away. It’s a good technique, unless of course, you’re in a car. Granted, I’ve been witness to some arguments(often times the subjects involve ex girlfriends, weight or forgetting to erase your Google history) where barrel rolling out the door of a moving car was the best option, but it’s not always practical. This is when the smart phone really comes in handy. Who of us hasn’t feigned interest in something on our phone or gotten a fake call, just to escape from one of these situations? Hell, I do it every time someone tries to tell me about their children’s school play or their upcoming surgery. If you happen to get pulled into the argument, then all bets are off. Try telling them that you think they’re both right, both wrong or what I prefer to do is say, “Watching you two argue is getting me aroused.” That generally ends my involvement.
Being part of an awkward situation, poses its own set of unique challenges. The situation that I find myself in, all too often, is running into someone who knows me and I have no clue who they are or from where I know them. I usually just pretend to know them and try my patented “walking wave”. Always keep your feet moving and make it look like you’re on your way to do something important. Once you stop, you’re stuck trying to figure out who this person is, while attempting to carry on a conversation. This happens to me more often than I would like. That’s probably due to the fact that I rarely remember anyone’s name, especially if I don’t think I’ll see them within the next few weeks. I can’t have names taking up valuable space in my head, when I have things like sports stats, words to every Judas Priest song and porn website addresses to memorize. I can’t wait until I reach the age where I can just look at the person and ask, “Who the hell are you?” My grandfather use to ask me that every time I came to visit, so I’m really looking forward to my seventies.
Of course, causing an awkward situation is the worst! You know, asking someone how their significant other is only to find out they just broke up, telling someone their child looks just like them when the kid isn’t even theirs and the ever popular, asking a woman when she’s due and she tells you that she’s not pregnant. All of these situations can be handled in one of two ways: maturely and with tact or what I prefer to call, the “Look! A badger!” Method. Both can be very effective, but only one will get you out fast. This doesn’t happen too often to me, because I do my best to keep my mouth shut, but I know for a few people, purchasing an actual badger, would be a sound financial decision. You can take the mature way out, e.g., “I’m sorry to hear things didn’t work out, but you’re better off without her/him.”, “Oh well, that’s a beautiful baby, so I just assumed it was yours.” or “I’m sorry, you just have a glow about you that made me think about how beautiful a pregnant woman is…” Obviously, maturity involves quite a bit of lying.
I think the moral of the story is that we all have to deal with awkwardness in life and we need to handle it with maturity and grace. Either that or try to get away as fast as possible and put your immaturity on display. That being said, I’m getting the hell out of here, before I have to order a lifetime supply of badger kibble.
About: Ted Snyder
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