Treat or treat!
Well, folks, it’s getting to be that time of year when we must purchase candy for the trick or treaters out there. In my case, I must buy it again, because I’ve eaten most of what I bought earlier. It’s always a good idea to sample your purchases.
I’m sure most of you remember going around your neighborhood and begging for candy at some point in your childhood. Halloween in Central New York takes commitment. It’s cold out there and the true hardcore beggars don’t cover their costumes with hats and jackets. If you see a shivering ghost, superhero or tiny zombie, be sure to reward them.
Here are some DO’s and DON’T’s for you big kids handing out the treats. DO give out small candy bars(fun size). If smaller than normal was truly “fun”, many of us guys would be much happier. DON’T give out full size candy bars, unless you want an influx of creative little monsters with an extra bag for their “sick brother” at home. DO answer the door in a timely fashion. DON’T make impatient children already hopped up on sugar linger on your porch, unless you have a good homeowners policy. DO buy name brand candy. DON’T buy smarties, sweet tarts or Bitohoney. No child wants gross tasting candy you have to chew for two days or chalky unflavored snacks. There’ll be plenty of time for Tums when they’re adults who pay taxes. DO remember to turn your porch light off when you have just one piece of candy left. After all you deserve a treat, too. DON’T hand out popcorn balls! No child goes to the effort of dressing up and walking around the neighborhood and thinks to themselves, “Hmmmm, I hope I get some salty, puffed vegetables!”
Follow these simple steps to ensure everyone has a good time on this, the best of holidays. A happy home is a home without egg yolk stains, soapy windows or a flaming bag of porch poop. I don’t think kids still do these things anymore, so there is a plus to this particular lazier brand of youth these days. I would get all of those treatments, because I’ve just finished my last fun size bag of snickers and unless I want to buy all new pants, I’m not buying more candy!
About: Ted Snyder
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