Married to the Idea of Being Single

 

imageRecently, I’ve been getting asked the question, “How come you’re still single?” I find that very puzzling. How would people feel if I went up to them and asked, “How come you’re still married?” I’m guessing that wouldn’t go over very well. I have nothing against couples, but I do wonder why they are always so concerned about my singleness.

It seems that couples are always trying to push single people into the relationship world. They will tell us that they just want us to be as “happy” as they are… I’m not sure that’s true. I think the real reason is that they want another couple to hang out with, so they can split off into gender specific groups and complain about their significant other. Now, that might not always be the case. I know there are many happy couples out there, but that’s no reason to try to push us single people into that situation. I have a feeling that instead of getting married, I could save some time by just finding a girl who hates me and giving her half of my stuff.

There are some major advantages as well as disadvantages to being single. Obviously, when you’re in a relationship, you have constant companionship. There is always someone there for you. “Always someone there” is a phrase that makes some of us shutter. Are you telling me that there will be someone there when I wake up, go to bed, eat dinner, sit down to watch TV, come home from work, go out for drinks, take a shower (that one doesn’t actually sound bad) or when I go on vacation?! While that sounds good to some, to me that sounds like an episode of Criminal Minds. Don’t get me wrong, I’ve been that person who was always there, but since the girl found out about it, I’m not allowed within five hundred feet of her.

Of course another decided advantage/disadvantage of being married is having children. Kids are great. They’re fun, affectionate and they grow up and are obligated to take care of you when you’re old. Now, from a single person’s point of view, kids are expensive, messy and in need of constant attention. They are kind of like dogs that you can teach to talk. The difference being that you can’t entertain a child with a spirited game of fetch, you can’t leave them home alone with just a full dish of water and a sock to chew on when they’re young and God forbid you put them in a cage when they’re bad! The answer I always give to people who ask me when I’m going to have kids is, “As soon as I’m tired of all of my disposable income and free time.”

Single people and married people can be friends, but there’s always that little bit of envy on either side. We singles don’t have that lifelong companion (well only fifty percent are lifelong, the other half are splitting their possessions and paying lawyers their life savings) and we don’t have kids to carry on our legacy and to instill pride within ourselves. Plus, we don’t have that tax write off that the government gives for just finding someone willing to put up with your crap forever. Now, the married people don’t have our freedom to do whatever, whenever and let’s not forget that disposable income and unlimited guilt free porn! There’s no reason that we both can’t coexist as long as there are certain boundaries. Don’t try to get us married and we won’t try to get you single.

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About: Ted Snyder

I'm just a guy who loves the simple things in life. I play bass, love craft beer and enjoy all things horror. I spend my time walking or hiking with my dog, going out to restaurants, bars and to see local bands . I stay up late and get up early. My idea of a great time is sitting on the shore of any body of water and having a beer.

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