Let’s Try This Again
Now that the new year is upon us, I think it’s time for all of us to reflect and realize that nothing has changed, except the last number we put down when we write the date. Well, type the date. Does anyone write, anymore? Lets reflect on all of the changes we made over the past year, instead of talking about what we plan to do in the future.
The first thing most of us resolved to do at the beginning of last year was to lose weight. Now, maybe some of us did, maybe we didn’t, but the fact remains that whatever weight most of us try to lose are the pounds we gained over the holidays. It’s a vicious cycle! We try to stay in shape and then Thanksgiving hits and its gravy based nirvana. After that comes the holiday parties. Copious amounts of cheese and cookies are the foundation for our high rise of dieting regrets. Then it’s off to Christmas dinner, where we balance out our family dysfunction with an all day feast ending with an unscheduled nap. Finally, it’s New Years Eve and we go out to a nice dinner and consume enough alcohol and food to put ourselves in a coma for a day or two. I know that after what I do to my body during the holidays, I could get my picture in medical journals with a question mark beside it.
Our next most popular vow for the start of 2015 was a tie between quitting drinking and spending more time with family. Now, here’s the problem: How can you spend more time with your family if you aren’t tipping back a few every time the mother-in-law starts telling explaining what you’re doing wrong, your father-in-law recounts the old days when toys were made of asbestos and that’s why kids were tougher back then and let’s not forget the kids. They’re loud, sticky and all around unpleasant. The fighting, the screaming, the drinking… It all goes together in a wonderful recipe of two parts family to five parts alcohol. That’s just enough to make you forget what happened, so you can do it all again next year.
Finally, we come to the easiest of the of the resolutions we made last year. We are going to try to be better people. Why is this the easiest? It’s simple. Being a better person is open to one’s own interpretation. Think about it. The only human who couldn’t be a better person was Mother Theresa. Give anything to charity? No? Drop your change in the jar for the cause of the week, on the counter of your local convenience store(but not the quarters): mission accomplished! Didn’t do something nice for a stranger last year? Buy coffee for the person behind you in line at the coffee shop and just hope they don’t order one of those drinks with more than six syllables. Didn’t feed the homeless? Can you say, “leftover Halloween candy”? These are just a few ways to get yourself a little closer to going to heaven, but then again, a couple winters spent in Central New York will make you contemplate going to hell just for the warmth. I didn’t set the bar very high last year. All I had to do to be a better person, was to not push down toddlers on the way to the ice cream stand. Made it almost eight months, but August was pretty hot and I needed my butter pecan with sprinkles.
This should make your New Years resolutions a little easier. Just look back on how you did last year and go from there. Either set small goals or just keep the bar low, so you don’t have to accomplish much. Don’t get me wrong, it’s great to set lofty goals and achieve them, but if you’re vow is to feel better about yourself in the new year, my way is easier. Taking the easy way out has always been my choice, ever since I found out that “Easy” was the nickname of my prom date.
About: Ted Snyder
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