I’m calling in sick to adulthood.
I’ve decided that being an adult is overrated. Paying bills, working, taking care of your home, pretending to care about what others have to say and wearing pants are all things I find tedious most of the time. I’m not sure which point of my childhood I’d like to relive. Each segment had its good and bad points.
At first, I thought that the early years would be the place to be. The lack of responsibility you experienced from ages 0-4 was wonderful. At no other time in your life can you eat chocolate naked, sitting in front of the TV, all while waiting for your own personal female servant(I called mine, Mom) to provide you with food and warm baths. Well, that is unless you’re Hugh Hefner. Of course the downfall would be the lack of mobility and inability to communicate your deepest desires. Of course, at that age, those desires consist mostly of more chocolate, affection and a clean diaper. Another similarity to the lifestyle of Mr. Hefner.
Next, I was thinking ages 5-12 would be a good time relive. While the responsibility increased, so did the fun. You start making friends and going to school. School means learning and work, but it also means new friends and the ever popular recess. As an adult, why is there no recess at work? After a tough morning at work, wouldn’t you love to go outside and run, swing, climb a tree, and push Staci from accounting down in the sandbox, because you think she’s pretty? The term, “play clothes” comes to mind, also. You know life is good when you have a separate wardrobe just for getting dirty. A mud puddle is to play in, not to be avoided and the toys, my god the toys! The variety of toys is never better than it is at that time of your life. Of course, as an adult, you can have toys, also. Guys keep theirs in the garage and ladies keep theirs in the dresser drawer. While those toys are cool, unlike your childhood ones, you can’t just get them out and play with them on the carpet at Gramma’s while she watches her stories.
Now, we come to the teen years. Ages 13-18 are the most complicated of childhood, but also the most rewarding. You get your first taste of almost being an adult, but the safety net of mom and dad taking care of the real important stuff. The school work gets tougher, but you get to stay up later. Let’s face it, staying up late is never more fun than when the only reason you have for doing it, is because you can. Video games and hanging with your friends are the highlights of your day. High school never seemed as much fun while you were there as it does looking back on it now. That is, as long as you didn’t develop an unfortunate nickname that sticks with you until graduation. Maybe I could have avoided being called The Bone Ranger, if after noticing that Parts of Becky jiggled when she walked, I had just covered my crotch with a history book. Minus that unfortunate development, high school was a great time!
After carefully weighing all of the facts, I’ve decided to go back to being a teenager. I love hanging with my friends and playing video games. Also I’m willing to buy a history book for those awkward moments. I still feel like a teenager, anyway. I’m not having sex, I’m pretty lazy and I have no money. Nailed it!
About: Ted Snyder
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