Happy Mother’s Day!!!
Since its Mothers Day, let’s chat about that, shall we? This blog is dedicated to my favorite mom and her adorable mini me. Yes, it’s true, moms are amazing people. I’m not talking about the mom in Barnes and Noble who spends two hours in the self help section as little Johnny wanders around sipping everyone’s coffee while they aren’t looking and tearing the pictures out of the Civil War books, but other moms. (By the way, see if you can find a parenting book in the self help section. Also, if you’re having trouble getting little Johnny to fall asleep, it’s because I have him a shot of espresso. My Mothers Day present to you is turning your ill mannered child into a caffeinated monkey for the rest of the day)
There are different kinds of moms. There are the moms who are all about kids all of the time. These people, while being amazing, really bother me. You can’t break their attention from kids for anything, no matter what the situation. Superbowl party? She’ll be there, but her and her daughter will be having a tea party in front of the tv while her son searches through and touches every cheese doodle, trying to find one that looks like a gun. Come over for a movie night? Sure, but we have to skip through the swearing and nudity, turning Goodfellas into a twenty six minute after school special about the dangers of drugs and Italian men in expensive suits. Everette and Martha’s sixtieth wedding anniversary party? Yes, because there’s nothing funnier than a ninety two year old man breaking a hip after he takes a tumble over Barbie’s Dream House. Still, you have to give these ladies credit. It’s not an easy thing to do.
We also know those women who are “mom” to every kid in the neighborhood. We all remember that house, don’t we? The food always tastes better, the pets are softer and less bitey, the toys are more fun to play with and the band aids always heal our ouchies better. I always find these moms amazing. They are happy to take care of all motherly duties at all times. The more kids around, the happier they are… It’s amazing, because my mother could barely stand having me around, much less my idiotic friends. Think about it. Your mom isn’t sending you outside to play, because “fresh air is good for you”, she just wants a moment where she can relax and fantasize about leaving you at the Grand Canyon forever. Let’s give the neighborhood mom all of the accolades she deserves.
Then there are the moms on opposite ends of the spectrum. The new mom versus the seasoned veteran. New mom protects her child from every germ that may enter the room, while the veteran realizes that kids are the root of all disease. Much like the poison monkeys from Africa that spread Ebola, kids will spread their sickness to anyone crazy enough to come into contact with them. New mom will shield her child from the dangers of the outside world while veteran mom sends her child to the store alone to get a few things, stating, “Don’t get kidnapped, because I need my creamer and Tums for tomorrow morning.” New mom looks forward to every school concert, play and sporting event while veteran mom still attends everyone, but knows that she only needs to pay attention when her own child is doing something. The rest of the time is for short naps and emptying mini liquor bottles into her travel mug. Two different, but awesome moms, all the same.
Let’s face it, we wouldn’t be here without Mom. I know some of the best moms around and am always impressed with them and their kids. They do it all, whether they’re single or married. They will do anything for their children and because of that, they have some great kids. They are nurse, chef, accountant, teacher and playmate(sadly, I’m not talking about the Playboy kind) to their children and even a short phone call will make them smile. If you want to get your mom a great gift for Mother’s Day, don’t grow up to be a creepy loser, because I already got that for my mom.
About: Ted Snyder
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