Take Care of Yourselfie!


imageThere’s a new trend out there that is really starting to get out of control. I’m not talking about drugs or violence. What I’m seeing out there is ten times worse. I’m talking about the selfie!

At first, this was an activity strictly for young people. This makes sense, because they are usually on the cutting edge of technology and often very happy with their outward appearance. (At arms length of course) Now, I have to admit that they really have perfected the selfie and I think that as soon as you reach a certain age(18-26), you just look good close up, no matter what. Of course, social media has made the selfie wildly popular among people of all ages, but you can definitely tell the difference in the technique of a seasoned selfie taker of say age twenty two and a new on the selfie scene, forty five year old.

One of my favorite selfie styles is that of the mildly visually impaired. I really enjoy seeing a photo posted on Facebook of a slightly blurry guy and his wife at a concert, surrounded by younger who seem amused by watching people they consider elderly, attempt to take this picture. Inevitably, it will take no less than three attempts with the end result being “the best” of the bunch. This selfie will appear all over social media and everyone will wonder what the hell happened. It might be blurry, someone’s head might be cut off or the entire pic will be sideways, that’s my favorite. I’m still struggling to figure out how these people make it home when it appears that they can’t even see pictures on their phone three feet in front of their face.

I also enjoy the terrible angle selfie! Anything that’s not from straight on is an attempt at deception. I am guilty of this, myself. Guys who take the pic with their chin up or holding the phone from anywhere below their nose are hiding their receding hairline. Ladies with something to hide usually take their selfies from above, giving the appearance that a small drone has snapped the shot on its way by during a scouting mission. This is an attempt to possibly hide a double chin or maybe even the dreaded stray chin hair. Side angles will hide something unpleasant on the opposite side of the face. Could be a pimple or something much worse, which I dare not imagine. When you see these selfies, do some investigation and play your own unpleasant game of “Where’s Waldo”.

Granted, some of you that are “of a certain age” or what people in their twenties consider “old”, take great selfies. You are what the rest of us older people consider to be at the technological forefront of the mobile device world. Plus, you’re probably very good looking for your age, so any photo will be a good one. Unlike the people in my category(Which I call “Unfortunate Looking”) who make attempt after attempt to just get a slightly above average selfie. This usually takes me ten minutes to complete. Two minutes of snapping pics, one minute to decide which one is “good enough” and seven minutes to delete the pics that make it appear that I’m an extra on The Walking Dead.

I’m not sure when we stopped taking pictures of cool places and things and replaced them with pictures of ourselves in front of these cool places and things. “Look here’s me at the Grand Canyon, sorry I didn’t get any pics of it, but you can tell by my face how awesome it is.” “This is me and my girlfriend at the hockey game. If you look really close, you can see half of the head of the goalie over my shoulder.” I’ve never been a fan of the selfie and I think it’s gotten way out of hand. That being said, I’m off to take a new profile picture, because my hair looks sort of ok right now!

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About: Ted Snyder

I'm just a guy who loves the simple things in life. I play bass, love craft beer and enjoy all things horror. I spend my time walking or hiking with my dog, going out to restaurants, bars and to see local bands . I stay up late and get up early. My idea of a great time is sitting on the shore of any body of water and having a beer.

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