Don’t ever have parents!
I’m dedicating this blog to a good friend of mine. This week I’ve been thinking a lot about my childhood and my parents. It’s amazing to look back and see how the child/parent relationship develops and changes over the years. At some point all of us change roles and start to become the ones who get exasperated and upset when our parents need a little guidance later in life. The ones who don’t are those guys who think that an outside entrance into their parents’ basement constitutes “living independently”.
Now, obviously the toughest job is being the mother. You have to gain weight for nine months(although, I’ve been doing that for eleven years and don’t see the big deal) and do most of the care taking for the child throughout the years. You become teacher, maid, chef, taxi driver, nurse, accountant, coach and depending on how many children you have, possibly celibate over the course of your child’s life. While this is the toughest job, it is also the glory position. I think we all know that Mother’s Day is the biggest card and flower day of the year, while Fathers Day ranks just under Columbus Day in that area. Mothers Day gifts are often well thought out, useful and tear generating. Fathers Day gifts are generally bought at the convenience store around the corner from Dad’s house. Honestly, how many NY Yankees key chains does one man need? In the old days, being a mom was often her only job. Now many mothers have careers outside the home. Not because they need the money, but because they want a few hours not surrounded by tiny humans with bladder control problems, unless they work in a nursing home. It has only been recently that professional athletes have replaced mouthing “hi mom” with “yeah! I got this” into the camera.
The stepmom has a pretty easy job if the kids are boys of any age. All she has to do is be hot and those boys will be good and have the most polite set of friends ever. Remember, stepmom, hanging out laundry in a bikini will keep those boys in line. If there are girls in the mix, you have to try to become their friend. That’s not too easy, but if it’s anything like being a guy and having a friend that is a girl, this is all you have to do: listen to her constant talking, always take her side even when she’s wrong and remind her every now and then that you’re not gay.(I assume) Being a stepfather is a little tougher. It’s kind of like being a backup quarterback. You know that at any time, you can be replaced by a better one and you will be reminded of that constantly by any unruly boy or girl. You just have to be good at it all of the times or back to the bench for you. Although, no wide receiver has ever gone back to the huddle and said, “I don’t have to do what you say, you’re not my quarterback!” At least not since Terrell Owens retired.
Now we come to the dads. The unsung heroes of the parent world. We love them, but they are often times clueless as to what’s going on in the house. It’s not for lack of interest, but they’ve been told the less they know the smoother things will run. That couldn’t be more true. He tries his best to be there for everything you do, be it sports, school concerts, plays and he’s always there when the principal wants a meeting.(not that I would know). Just think about what type of sacrifice he is making just to be there. To walk away from the big tv, comfy chair and ice cold beer, just to watch you sit on the bench for fifty eight minutes of your football game or to listen to you play the trumpet in the school band as every other parent cringes in pain and fear is simply amazing. Then on the ride home, he does nothing, but tell you how great you were or advises you to take up a new activity. Either way, he’s doing a stellar job. The fact that he didn’t demand a DNA test after one of your displays, shows a titanic amount of patience.
The single moms are amazing. They are both mother and father. I’m always impressed with what they accomplish over the course of a day. She will inevitably give up many things just to provide her children with something more. Unfortunately, often times those things include make up, hairspray, patience and daily showers. The single dad is a tough role as well. I’m not talking about the dad that sees his kids every other weekend and buys them a pony instead of providing them with insurance or paying child support. I’m talking about the guy who does everything for his kid in the allotted time he is allowed and asks for nothing in return, except the occasional six pack left on his doorstep by the beer fairy.
I tell you all of these things, so you can think back about all your parents did for you. While we all don’t have kids, we all have parents. Remember all of these things when you get upset with your mom after she attempts to post a recipe to Facebook and ends posting a photo of the corner of the coffee table. Remember these things when you get annoyed at your father when he insists upon fixing a loose hinge on your cabinet door and then you end up having to get a new kitchen. The fact that they didn’t drop you off at a farm or leave you in the bathroom on that cross country trip, should be enough for you to show a little patience. …or at least fake it like they did for you.
About: Ted Snyder
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