Bundle Up and Be Safe!
Well, winter has inevitably made its presence known in Central New York. We all knew it was coming, but some of us were hoping that it would maybe spend the winter in the south for once. I’m going to give you some tips on how to survive this upcoming arctic onslaught.
First on the list are hot drinks. Coffee, tea and hot cocoa are all things that will warm you up on the inside, especially if the creamer is eighty proof. They say hot drinks don’t warm you up. Those people have never spilled a coffee, that’s the temperature of the sun on their baby maker. I suggest doing that only as a last resort. I find the burns that I suffer on my tongue and throat really give me that cozy feeling inside.
Next, you need to dress for the winter. Jackets, hats and boots! There is no place for fashion in a Central New York winter. If it looks good or “cute”, it’s probably not very functional. If a hat makes your hair looked bad or that coat makes you look fat, then deal with it. You can look cute in the summer or at least stay inside until it gets warm again. Fashion ends at the words, “lake effect snow warning”.
After you have both of those things down, it’s time to try something I have found fool proof. Weight gain. I say eat all of the food you can. I find that cheeseburgers and peanut butter are a great way to keep warm. You’ll notice that the largest concentration of vegetarians in the United States is located in California. Is that just a coincidence? My friend, who shies away from anything fatty or containing meat, will shiver his way through the produce section of the store. He’s not built to take on the month of January.
A lot of people cuddle up by the fireplace with a loved one to keep warm. While that is an option for many people, some of us don’t have a fireplace, a loved one or the money to get either. Turn up the heat at home. In the long run, it’ll cost less than paying for an escort to snuggle up with every time the temperature drops below zero. Trust me, I’ve done the research.
Well, I hope these ideas will help you to better deal with the cruel winter ahead. There’s no escaping it. If you can’t beat ’em, join ’em or at the very least, just stay inside where there’s heat, food, television and an unlimited supply of free porn on the computer!
About: Ted Snyder
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