Be Afraid, Be Very Afraid


imageLet’s talk about fear, shall we? Everyone is afraid of something. I’m not talking about the things we should all fear, like terrorism, werewolves or being probed by aliens or proctologists, but our irrational fears. Of course, these fears only seem irrational to those who don’t have them. As FDR once said, “The only thing we have to fear is fear itself”. Of course, that’s easy to say when you have two guys with guns that follow you everywhere.

Some fears are taken to a new level and we call those phobias. Claustrophobia, Agoraphobia, Glossophobia and Arachnaphobia are some of the most common ones. The thing I hate the most is when people ask you why you’re afraid of a certain thing. The definition of a phobia is an “irrational fear”. You can’t explain irrationality. If you could, it wouldn’t be irrational. I suppose you could delve into their subconscious and find the underlying reason for the fear, but who has that kind of time? I barely want to hear the answer, after I’ve asked how someone is doing, much less listen to the long, sad story about why someone is afraid of clowns.

Some people try to make it sound like they’re not afraid of something by saying that they just hate it. “No, I’m not afraid of spiders, I just hate them.” Really?! I hate mushrooms, but I have yet to scream when I see one or ask someone to crush it before I enter the room. It’s OK to be afraid. If you fear something, own it. Make it work to your advantage. Most people would help you, rather than have to deal with your specific brand of insanity. Nobody wants to help you get through your fear of elevators while on an elevator. I know that I would much rather just take the stairs with you and secretly harbor a grudge, knowing that any building over four stories is not an option, because I have a fear of getting too much exercise. Although, if you continually choose to do things that require walking up several flights, you should develop a fear of getting pushed down the stairs.

Sometimes, our fears become fodder for others. Why is being afraid of something funny to certain people? Why would you tease someone with the object of their fear? I’ll admit that I’m afraid of snakes and a few of my friends think it’s hysterical to pick up one and taunt me with it. Obviously, there are certain fears that you can’t have any “fun” with… You can’t dangle someone over the edge of a building who is afraid of heights and you can’t chase a guy around with a bride just because he has a fear of commitment. I’m not doing the macho thing here, either. I don’t just hate snakes, I’m afraid of them. If I see one, I will scream(as manly as possible) and push down anyone in my path to get away from it. In a related story, I have also recently developed the fear of visiting my grandmother in the hospital.

It’s OK to be afraid, just don’t let it ruin your life. I find that avoiding your fears is much easier than dealing with them. Of course, if any ladies would like to help me deal with my fear of intimacy, I’m willing to attempt to work through that. I just hope they don’t have a fear of alcohol, latex or disappointment.

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About: Ted Snyder

I'm just a guy who loves the simple things in life. I play bass, love craft beer and enjoy all things horror. I spend my time walking or hiking with my dog, going out to restaurants, bars and to see local bands . I stay up late and get up early. My idea of a great time is sitting on the shore of any body of water and having a beer.

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