ASK REBECCAH: Communication is key to relationship
Local life coach Rebeccah Silence answers your relationship, career and life questions each month. If you have a question or need advice, email your questions to firstname.lastname@example.org
QUESTION: I’ve been having an affair with a married man for more than 10 years. I am not necessarily seeking a long-term relationship from him and never really have been interested in that. Last week, he told his wife about our affair and that he was leaving her to start a life with me. I had no idea he was going to do this and I’m not interested in having this kind of relationship with him. I care for him and I do love him, but I would never trust him. I’m not sure how to tell him this.
ANSWER: In relationships, we are either re-creating fear of the past or we are designing the relationship in a way that we may never have seen done before. Just because you haven’t seen it yet does not mean you can’t have it. You can have anything you want as long as you can see yourself crossing the finish line and getting the goal. No one is bad or wrong, ever. What I know is you deserve a relationship that has integrity, is all yours, and that you can be your 100 percent authentic self in. Let’s look at what might be in the way of that.
In relationships, what is critical is both people are communicating their needs, wants, fears and concerns with one another. When that doesn’t happen and people try to read each other’s’ minds, breakdowns are guaranteed. It sounds like you and your partner may not be clearly communicating what it is you both want. These types of difficult conversations can be scary, but when we avoid them the relationship suffers. I encourage you to start by getting real about what it is you are looking for in a relationship, what you are committed to and where you see this relationship heading.
Let’s start by getting you clear on what you’re committed to. I define commitment as whatever it is I am spending my time, money, and energy focusing on. Often I see people have a disconnect between what they say they are committed to and what they spend their time, money and energy on. What do you want for you? Do you want to take on leadership or let your life happen? DO you know what you DO want? Do you own your worth? Do you recognize you may be in a fear of committing to a romantic relationship or there may be fear around what would happen if someone committed to you. No one actually has commitment issues because we are all committed to whatever it is we are doing.
Start by figuring out what you do want and have a conversation. This relationship may be over but it may not be. Honest communication and an unwavering commitment to what you know you are looking for are all you need.
About Rebeccah: Rebeccah Silence is a certified life coach and music therapist with a master’s degree in counseling and extensive background in addiction recovery, school counseling and adult psychotherapy. As owner of Inspired Results, she provides trainings, facilitation and coaching all over the country, but runs her private practice out of Whitesboro. She is locally known as the relationship guru doling out free expert coaching every Tuesday morning on KISS-FM for Confession Tuesdays. Silence specializes in corporate trainings, couples counseling and one-on-one life coaching.
[symple_box color=”blue” text_align=”center” width=”” float=”none”]CONNECT WITH REBECCAH
Rebeccah offers the opportunity for you to connect with yourself and others. She discusses how to transform life’s obstacles into RESULTS. This is not one-on-one coaching but offers an opportunity to work with Rebeccah while meeting like-minded people. Time: 7 p.m. (Walk-ins always are welcomed.)
Date: First Tuesday of the month.
Where: Inspired Results office, 156 Main St., Whitesboro.
Visit inspiredresultscoach.com for information.[/symple_box]
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