Are You Ready?

 

imageWell, here in good ole Oswego County we got our first taste of winter. Eight inches of snow was on the ground by 10:00 a.m., this morning. To the ladies, I’m actually the opposite of the weatherman. I’ll never surprise them with more inches than they expect. You never know what you’re going to get in Central New York. Summer, Spring, Fall and Winter can all take place over the weekend.

They say variety is the spice of life, but this is ridiculous (Also, I am pretty sure that Nutmeg is the spice of life). I need a couple of months to get ready for the next season. I just put away my tee shirts and got out my hoodies. I suppose I could just wear baggy shorts and a parka, just to be prepared for anything. Then, of course, I’d look like every idiot teenage boy on the planet. I’m not sure at what point it became cool to wander around looking like a basketball playing Eskimo, but I’m old and I don’t know fashion. I guess I really shouldn’t talk. I generally dress the same way all year round. Tee shirt and jeans. I wore shorts once this year, but the reflection of the sun off of my white legs caused a small aircraft to crash in a nearby cornfield. All of these seasons are really causing me to do too much work.

If there’s one thing that the early onset of winter really screws up is the preparation of my yard, home and driveway to receive a brutal pounding of snow, wind and ice. I still have my lawn furniture in the back yard and I just got out my leaf rake. I should invent a tool that has a snow shovel on one end and a rake on the other. Sure it would be hard to handle, but imagine the convenience! To be honest I try to use the leaf rake in conjunction with my lawn furniture. My technique is called sit-raking. I don’t get a lot done, but the rake still looks brand new and that can only help the resale value.

If only I could eliminate snow shoveling. Unfortunately, my driveway is over 150 feet long. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t shovel my entire driveway. I have a very busy schedule and no time to have more than one heart attack a week. I get chest pains just pushing the release button on my recliner, much less shoveling snow. It seems like there’s a lot of work in this area for every season, with winter being the most labor intensive. I have a snowblower which is one of the greatest inventions ever. It would be a perfect machine if it wasn’t for all of the walking. Right now, I’m looking into fitting my rollerblades with snow tires. I even tried opening a winter labor fantasy camp for underprivileged southern children, but the state apparently has laws against child labor or what they call, “slavery”.

I don’t even have time to procrastinate. I guess I should just be happy that Spring is just around the corner. It could be six months or six hours away, in this area. I just need more time to prepare. This year I’ve decided to not subscribe to winter, until late November. The only thing that I have ready for winter are dark ales and whiskey. That should be enough to keep me going. It all boils down to this: I am way too lazy to participate in all four seasons. Mother Nature, pick two for us and then go bother the people in California. They’re way too comfortable out there.

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About: Ted Snyder

I'm just a guy who loves the simple things in life. I play bass, love craft beer and enjoy all things horror. I spend my time walking or hiking with my dog, going out to restaurants, bars and to see local bands . I stay up late and get up early. My idea of a great time is sitting on the shore of any body of water and having a beer.

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