Annoying Your Way Into My Heart


imageThere are certain things that just rub me the wrong way and I’m not talking about my high school gym teacher. It’s just the things that people say or do that drive me, (much like most of you) crazy. The difference is that, for some reason, my tolerance for these things drops to an all time low during the holidays. Maybe it’s the extra exposure to family or possibly the Christmas spirit that’s inside of me has gone bad. I tried to preserve it with alcohol, but I can only drink so much.

I find myself in the mall doing a little Christmas shopping the other day and I can’t help but feel disdain for everyone there. That can’t be mentally healthy. I saw a family struggling with all of their bags walking through the food court and all I could think is, “Wouldn’t it be hilarious if they all tripped, fell and were run over by the Santa train?” Anyway, I digress. I saw this guy I haven’t seen in a few years and his new wife, whom I have never met coming out of a jewelry store. He saw me first, so it was too late to duck into Victoria’s Secret, plus I was banned from there last year. He’s a nice enough guy, but when he introduced me to his wife, he said one of those things I mentioned above. He said,”This is my wife(insert name, because I lost interest for a few seconds after the word wife)” and then he said it… “What’s up?” Really? I haven’t seen you in years and you’re hoping for a summary of my recent life in the middle of a crowded mall while your wife stands by, uncomfortably waiting for me to stop looking creepy. Now, I have two choices, go through the past two years in detail or just say, “Not much.” I chose the latter, so I could get away as soon as possible. It did not work, because apparently, he was able to sum up his life in a short ten minute monologue that felt like it lasted two years.

Then the other day, I heard someone say to their friend, “You’ll enjoy this, if you like to laugh.” Now, I’m no psychologist, but isn’t laughing inherently associated with a feeling of joy? Has anyone ever laughed and then gotten angry, because of it? Do people tune into Comedy Central and then throw a temper tantrum during reruns of South Park? I know that some people are more serious than others, but I’ve never seen anyone who didn’t enjoy a chuckle. I suppose if you hate to laugh, you should stay away from anything mildly amusing, which would limit your tv viewing to just programs featuring Bob Saget.

I would have to say the most recent type of people who have been bothering me are the ones who throw themselves a birthday party. I just saw a post on Facebook where one of these people did just that and even had a theme. Really?! You’re over fifty and you haven’t developed any relationships where someone will throw you a party, so you do it yourself and then create a costumed theme to weed out any of the intelligent people from the guest list? Also, they will start inviting people at the last minute to pad the guest list, because nothing says, “You’re a good friend” like a last minute invitation to a celebration you knew you were having for at least a year. This is the same kind of person who asks to be invited to a party. “Sure, you can come to my party. It’s a needy douchebag theme.” Do yourself a favor, next year invite people to your funeral. At least that way, we will all have a reason to celebrate.

I’m sure I have several quirks that really bother people. I’m obsessive compulsive, I’m a beer snob, I don’t like children(especially if you keep saying that I would like your children) and the list goes on and on. The lesson is that we all say and do things to annoy others and you have to learn how to deal with them in a manner that society deems acceptable. Either that or live in a cabin, in the woods. This is me, signing off from my cabin, in the woods.

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About: Ted Snyder

I'm just a guy who loves the simple things in life. I play bass, love craft beer and enjoy all things horror. I spend my time walking or hiking with my dog, going out to restaurants, bars and to see local bands . I stay up late and get up early. My idea of a great time is sitting on the shore of any body of water and having a beer.

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