Well, as I sat in my chair this morning, suffering from a cold, I really couldn’t think of anything to blog about. After a rather large dose of cough syrup, I thought to myself, “Write about the best way to cope with this illness.” I just hope this isn’t the medicine talking.
There are anywhere between thirty and a bajillion cold medicines out there. In my experience, they all do basically the same thing… Suppress your symptoms long enough to fool you into thinking your getting better, so you can get out and spread your germs. I’ve tried syrups, pills, fizzy hot water, throat sprays and even a nasal spray one time(after shooting that particular spray up my nose, I grabbed my broom, placed the bristles on my hip, held out the handle and hoarsely shouted, “Say hello to my little friend!”). Needless to say, no more nasal spray for this guy. My favorite of these are the cold pills. They’re small, can be conveniently transported and go down easy, much like a girl I dated in high school.
The home remedies are just as abundant. I’ve heard chicken soup will make you feel better. I do enjoy a nice bird based broth with pasta. If eating chicken soup is anything like reading Chicken Soup for the Soul, it shall have the desired effect: putting me directly to sleep. Hot water with lemon? Yum! Clear liquid and fruit is the foundation for a good moonshine, but doesn’t do much for my cold. I’ve been told a shot of whiskey will knock the cold out of you. That may explain why my grandmother has never been sick a day in her life and why she is no longer allowed to drive. I may try Grandma’s remedy. That seems like the most fun.
I know nothing cures the common cold, so I’ve decided to make the best of it. Nothing gets you to the head of a long line at the store faster than a coughing fit. That plate of cookies on the counter… One well placed sneeze and they’re all mine! What better time to eat your girlfriend’s terrible tasting cooking than when you have no properly functioning taste buds?! “Mmmm, may I have a second helping of that meatloaf or is this chicken?” Nobody wants a disease spreading idiot at work. Do I hear paid day off?! I think I do! There’s no shame in getting a sympathy back rub. It’s much better than paying a professional for a massage and having that awkward silent moment after you ask if she has ever seen The Spice Channel.
I guess what I’m saying is that there are many ways to deal with a cold. You can fight it, you can let it take you down or you can just roll with it. There is no cure, so why not make it work for you? Get plenty of rest, drink a lot of liquids and for the love of god, cover your mouth! Now, who wants a cookie? No one? Excellent…
About: Ted Snyder
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