Tips to help with grieving process

Ask Rebeccah


My mother recently passed away. We had a very tumultuous relationship and there were many issues not resolved. I am now deeply regretful that we did not have this opportunity and am horribly sad and grief-stricken and am having trouble even going about my daily routine.


Answer: I live by the belief that my triggers belong to me and are my responsibility to work through, and others’ triggers and issues belong to them. Triggers can include the grieving process and with your mom’s recent passing it is possible that you are experiencing grief while also attempting to sort out past issues. The good news is we don’t need someone to be physically present to resolve past issues. Consider the possibility that one person is never powerful enough to cause another person to suffer.


For anyone grieving, I recommend three things:

  • Give yourself permission to take as much time as you need to fully complete the grieving process.
  • Practice impeccable self-care. Make sure you are sleeping and eating well, exercising and nurturing yourself now more than ever.
  • Talk about what you are experiencing. Reach out and get support. Talk to friends, family, a therapist or hire a coach. When we talk we remove toxins from our bodies and are able to express our emotions rather than de-pressing our emotions which can cause depression.

It is possible to heal your past without Mom being present. Forgiveness is so important, and what helps me is to remember people always are doing – and have always done – the best they can with the tools they have. What if your Mom did the best she could based on the modeling that she had from her parents? No matter how great our parents are they also are flawed. No parent can get it right, regardless of his or her efforts. As children, we experience disappointment, heartbreak, and confusion around certain events that take place in our childhoods. Each of us has an opportunity to heal our past. This is the work I do with my clients in my private practice.

Give yourself permission to grieve. Give yourself permission to feel. Take care of yourself, and find someone to talk to.


About Rebeccah: Rebeccah Silence is a certified life coach and music therapist with a master’s degree in counseling and extensive background in addiction recovery, school counseling and adult psychotherapy. As owner of Inspired Results, she provides trainings, facilitation and coaching all over the country, but runs her private practice out of Whitesboro. She is locally known as the relationship guru doling out free expert coaching every Tuesday morning on KISS-FM for Confession Tuesdays. Silence specializes in corporate trainings, couples counseling and one-on-one life coaching. Have a question for Rebeccah? Email her for Ask Rebeccah at

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